3.14.17 - Pi/snow day ramblings

For those of you that really love math (or pie), happy 3.14! If you're like me, here on the East Coast, I hope you were able to spend your snow day eating your most favorite pie and just taking a breather. 

Speaking of... 

S.A.D.

My writing, or lack thereof, is usually a good indicator of how productive I am being (that, or things are just so crazy busy - it happens. This time, though it's been very busy at work, I wasn't doing anything outside that prevented me from doing more). I have definitely been in a slump for at least the last month, and I realized maybe I have that seasonal affective disorder (realized it happened last year, too). Admittedly, my (ex) brother-in-law's passing in late January did not make this any easier, and coincided with a number of other things/events that made me go - {whoa overwhelmed} which set off an extended period of self-imposed rest, where I just waved my white flag, nursed my emotions, and binge watched a lot of shows (decided to revisit True Blood as I never made it past the 4th season - what a let down at the end). I've felt some guilt at all the 'wasted time' I've been dedicating to just general relaxation, which isn't moving me along in my career or life otherwise. But, I really needed it and told myself I'd ride the wave until I was ready to emerge again and be a productive human being. It's kind of crazy how we sometimes guilt ourselves for just being - I'm working on not beating myself up about needing a break every now and again. It's healthy and actually makes me feel refreshed and more creative once I jump back into the swing of things.

birthdays

As if dealing with the above wasn't enough, my birthday showed up about a week ago. I think I've mentioned before that I'm not a fan of those, considering the whole aging and feeling as though I'm getting old-as-dirt thing. There are different stages of grief (this is the best analogy I have, go with it) and I think I'm in my acceptance stage, because this birthday felt pretty painless. The number is weird - 36 - but then again, I think that every year. The shock value can only last so long. Shrugs.

So yeah, I spent it having an extended brunch/house party with all my very best friends (minus a few lovely ladies). Maybe I'm easy to please, but it was a fantastic, low-key, super fun party.  More and more, I just look around me and really count my lucky stars on all the absolute love I have present in my life. Amazing family & friends, fulfilling career... wow. I'm so grateful.

This Is Us season 1 finale

Obviously this is a topic (and obviously catching up on this new hit show was a priority during my tv binge-fest). I'm obsessed with this show, much like the majority of America, and cannot get enough of Jack and Rebecca. Where can I find a guy like Jack?

Watching tonight's episode, I realized where. My parents ARE Jack & Rebecca (minus the singing part). My father's story is nearly identical to Jack's... a Vietnam vet, father who drank, etc. My parents met in an unconventional way, too (to say the least). My mother worked with and was best friends with a woman who was friendly with my father's cousin's wife; my dad's family met her and wanted to set my parents up. My mother attended a party, realized (not happily) that it was a set up, and tried to leave - but not before my father got into an actual brawl with his cousin - and my mother somehow got in the middle and got clipped by a punch meant for the cousin. My father was mortified and arrived at her house the next day, full of apologies and flowers. She hesitated, but my grandmother Stella liked my dad and told her to go. The rest is history - they will be married 48 years this April and my father's sole focus has always been my mother, for as long as I can remember. May we all know a love like that.

In the meantime, I am grateful this finale didn't shatter me emotionally like I had prepared for. To the next season, I'm sure.

speaking of guys...side note

Scene: It was towards the end of 2014 and I was in a bad, weird place because of a guy, and so I met this other guy online to try to help forget about him. Truthfully, I only ever matched with the new guy because he looked like the exact guy I was trying to get over. Sigh - smart.

I wasn't in the right position to really pursue anything and I don't remember how we left things - I may have ghosted him, he could have even ghosted me, not sure - it was of no consequence to me. 

Fast forward to December 2016, and I get a random 2 a.m. text, followed by a Facebook friend request - realize it's that guy. Since there was no beef, hey, why not - accept. "Hey - how are you?" response. Turns out it was his birthday, and he said he thought of me. About a week later, after minimal conversation, he sent a really inappropriate text inviting me to get acquainted by his fireplace. In truth, I barely knew this guy and it had been 2 years. WTF? I thought I shut him down as I called out how crazy it was for him to go 0 to 100 after 2 years - with no back story or explanation. All I could think is, imagine if a chick did that to a guy - how crazy would she be? He didn't seem at all fazed, but I didn't expect to hear from him again.

I've been dating someone, and I don't broadcast it on social media. Maybe I will in time, but I don't really think about it. Anyhow - this guy randomly texts me every so often and asks probing questions about who I'm seeing, sounded irritated the entire time that essentially he offered me access to his dick and I didn't graciously accept. Admittedly, I am not sure why I even respond, though I think I am amazed yet entertained at the audacity and complete lack of self-awareness. His recent round of questioning insinuated that there is no guy since I don't post pictures of "the guy that gets to see you naked." His tone and irritation seems even greater at the assumption that perhaps I made up this person just to avoid him - after all, what a fucking prize, right?

However, the winner came this past weekend. 

I can't imagine anything is important at 7:41 a.m. on a Saturday morning, but that he woke up and texted me that made me really go "whoaaa." Honestly, this is an accurate representation of why I would normally say hey - I'm single and totally fine with that. Yikes!

monthly resolutions

So, I made resolutions at the beginning of the year, and I keep checking in on those goals to keep myself focused. Sometimes I really can't see the forest for the trees, though. I have a to-do list that I regularly refer to, but I just recently realized I should make myself a monthly checklist, too. What a fucking novel idea, right? Jeez, Karen. I'll do another post about those goals once I'm mentally prepared.

I'm still working my way out of the early 2017 fog, obvi. More to come soon! I've been much more productive as of late...

playlist

literally anything & everything James Arthur - but if you want some favorites -
James Arthur - Certain Things, Remember Who I Was
Lana Del Rey - Love
Lavender Diamond - I Don't Recall
Lorde - Liability
Kygo & Selena Gomez - It Ain't Me
Warren G - Regulate
Beenie Man - Who Am I
Spice Girls - Spice Up Your Life
Spooky Black - Pull
Aaliyah - Are you that somebody?
Disturbed - The Sound of Silence
gnash - I hate u, I love u
Van Morrison - Into the Mystic
Katie Melua - Just Like Heaven (like The Cure's version best but)
Hall & Oates - Out of Touch
Smoke & Jackal - Fall Around