two guys, two age groups - one confused 30-something girl

I have a tendency to get hit on mostly by guys in their twenties (25-28 seems to be the sweet spot). At 36 years old, it's both annoying (because really, waste of time) and flattering. I also can never tell if I look my age, or if they're just trying to check "cougar" off their list, so each encounter always leaves me confused. But really, what age group is and isn't appropriate right now for a woman my age? I am not sure, and my recent run-in left me even more confused. 

While waiting for my friend at a bar, I got hit on by two different guys (and at one point, simultaneously). It was a weird day that turned into a funny story - for everyone but me, that is. It started with the first guy (Guy A) sitting right next to me and repeatedly looking my way (I was against a wall, so there was no other view). He was young, in his twenties. Feeling the impending doom encroaching of this guy speaking to me, I picked up my cell to text my friend to hurry - and he took it as his in. For all intents and purposes, the conversation wasn't bad, and he was nice enough. Mid-sentence, Guy B staggers over to stand in front of me, and enthusiastically booms "Hey, how are you?!" He was probably mid forties. I responded, baffled at whether I knew this guy (his tone made it seem like he thought he knew me, at least). He proceeded to dive into a full conversation at the complete bewilderment of Guy A, who patiently sat beside me, waiting for his turn to jump in. He got his chance.

Guy B commented on my laptop (so dedicated I am, I was working at the bar until my friend arrived) and Guy A agreed that Mac was basically the bomb diggity. Guy B looks his way, scoffs, turns back to me and points to him - "is he your boyfriend?" We both stammer that no, we just met. I apologize to Guy A and swear that I don't know B, despite his misguided level of comfort and in-depth conversation he just had with me. We continue to chat until he had to leave for his train, when he asked my birthday (made me chuckle, such a Karen question) and I found out his was this week. After he made me guess, (of which I hit the nail right on the head), I found out he was 27, turning 28. Yep. He then asked for my number and was super eager to set up a date... I froze and gave him my real number (ugh) and so I decided to scare him off the best way I knew how - "I'll have to check my calendar and let you know, because 1. I'm a lot older than you (I thought that sounded even scarier than the actual number) and 2. I have an almost-eleven year old son. I'm a single mom. 

Do you know that didn't scare him at all? He was totally all in, and I'm embarrassed to report that he has continued to text me, having a one sided conversation for about two weeks. He also requested me on Facebook... Sigh. Disclaimer - he was a nice guy, just not my type, and I didn't discriminate based on his age. 

At this point, Guy B (who is slammed, btw) plants himself next to me and tries to continue our conversation. I pretended as though my phone was my best friend (as I texted my actual friend about where the f she was) and half-listened, trying to discourage him. Eventually he turned to the woman on his other side, and I thought I had succeeded in diverting his attention. After a lengthy convo with the other woman, he turns to me and says "so, what do you think about that?" I made a face and explained that sorry, I wasn't listening to their conversation...he said oh and was disappointed, while the lady was apologetic in her expression to me. He then offers to buy her another drink, which I then think he will probably offer me one too... he doesn't. He takes out cash and hands it to her. She says "wait - you're buying it but I have to go get it?" He says yup, that's the deal. When she goes to get it, he turned to me (disgustingly close) and says, you know, you look like that girl from Texas that married the millionaire. Confused, I asked what and who he was talking about. "You know, that girl that married the 87 year old." Baffled, I said - Anna Nicole Smith??? He nodded yes enthusiastically - "yes, her." I said wow, well I can't say I've ever heard that comparison before - thanks, I think. Then this is when it got gross. 

He leaned in really close and let his eyes run all over me..."You have beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, a beautiful mouth (the look as he let his eyes rest on my mouth could have inspired me to vomit) and a beautiful cleft in your chin." Grossed out, I muttered thanks and was trying to figure out how to get away from this creep. Also thought wtf - a compliment on the cleft in my chin was surely a new one. Then he asked - "so, what do you think about me?" He said it so confidently, and I thought to myself, wow - I literally just ignored you for at least 20 minutes. Why would you even think this was a valid question to ask?

I told him I didn't really have anything particular to say, but that he looked like someone famous too, but it was evading me. Disappointed again, his face fell (I suppose he thought maybe I was going to suggest getting out of there because he just got me so f*ckin' hot). 

At that point relief flooded me because I saw my friend walk in the bar. As she made her way over to us, he suddenly announced he had to go to the bathroom. He walked away at the same time, and when she walked up, she made a face and asked why it smelled like ass... well, my dear, that would be because Mr. Drunko seemingly was about to shit his pants. Yep, doesn't get much better than that. 

After lots of laughs and hugs (and apologies for leaving me alone so long), she sat down to have a drink with me. Guy B returned in a much calmer state, but was visibly pissed that she sat down to c*ckblock him. 

You'd think the story ended there, because we left shortly after to grab a train home, but much like Noah and Ally, oh no, it wasn't over, it still isn't over.

We got off our train at our home station and were walking down the platform when Guy B suddenly appeared above us - he shouts at me "Hey, it's you - the girl from the bar! Wanna hang out?" 

I wish I could have seen the expression on my face, because my friend's face was pretty priceless as she cracked up. I shouted no and we hustled to her car. I made her drive me to mine and literally ducked down in the passenger side so he wouldn't see me. Now I worry every day that I'm going to see him there again (so far, so good, no sightings). 

So besides the unfortunate details of that story, it also left me wondering - this guy was clearly in his mid to late forties probably - he thought I was fair game. But so do the 20 year olds. So, which is the right range for my age?

Twenty somethings are single and carefree - usually haven't been married yet. Thirties are usually married and locked down (which makes it harder to meet others), and forties are the divorced guys with nearly grown kids. I should really just blog solely on the dating landscape... so much to say. 


Popular Posts