America, I Know You're Scared. I Am, Too.

President-elect Donald Trump.

I've read these words over and over today, and the weight of what it really means has not quite sunk in. I've tried to deny this is actually real life - this actually happened. I feel like I'm caught in a bad dream and just need to wake up.

Someone, please pinch me... Kanye 2020 doesn't seem so far-fetched at the moment.

I've seen a range of memes, including "Trump is a reminder to always apply for the job you're not qualified for," to "Tell me again how rape and sexual assault accusations affect a man's career?" It's been an emotional day for many Americans. I have cried and fought back tears multiple times. I'm absolutely sick to my stomach, and so scared of what this all means for our country.

For our future.

Months ago, back when Trump was merely in the running to be the nominated GOP candidate, I began writing a draft of how terrified I was at the possibility that he would even be considered for the candidacy, nevermind actually as our President. I revisited the post multiple times and furiously typed a flurry of words and fears based on whatever current atrocities he was spewing from his mouth at that time, but I could never quite seem to properly articulate how I was feeling. Writing about it made me feel extremely uncomfortable for some reason, and so, I let it be. "People are smarter than this anyway," I thought. I believed inside we all are innately good and loving and want the same outcomes for our children and our future, despite any surface disagreements.

Today I learned how very naive and wrong I was. I truly had no concept of how divided the U.S. is, and how much hatred really runs rampant in our country. My heart is broken for the American people at this very moment.

Myself, I wasn't a staunch Hillary supporter like I had been for Barack Obama, but I did find her to be the more qualified candidate. I also did not see the accusations against her to be as threatening as those against Trump, or as terrifying as what he seems to support and represent.

In the weeks leading up to this moment, multiple women came forward to accuse Trump of sexual and lewd assault/misconduct. Throughout his campaign, Trump openly mocked those with disabilities, promoted misogynistic and racist rhetoric, and mostly just affirmed how rich and terrific he is (in his own opinion). His supporters blindly followed, no matter the heinous way in which he behaved - no act was too much for them to excuse or defend.

Trump belittled those that challenged him and outright lied about statements we all knew to be true. His narcissistic responses and tendencies in interviews and the debates flustered most of us watching the circus unravel at home. No matter, Trump always came out relatively unscathed.

Belittle and demean women?
Bully others (especially when events don't go your way)?
Incite racism and hatred for anyone that is not like you?

Check, check, check. Yet, there are no consequences for Donald J. Trump. He can lie, cheat, say whatever he wants, even avoid paying taxes for 18 years (hey, it's not corrupt if he is doing it), and nothing happens. Billy Bush got fired from Access Hollywood for laughing at Trump's inappropriate comments; Trump got elected President of the United States.

What the actual f*ck?

More and more, as these stories broke, I realized the original source of my discomfort in even writing this.

Trump is a trigger for me; I would get so angry and upset anytime I would see his antics on display, and I have heard that many other abuse victims feel the same. For years, I was verbally and emotionally abused by my ex; a narcissist and pathological liar, I have had to fight for what's best for me and for my son (and I still do to this day). My son has witnessed his father try to break me down, but I try my damnedest to use my struggles to teach him and instill values of what is right from wrong as he grows up. I constantly touch on how he should love, cherish, and revere women for the special beings that they are.

What am I supposed to tell him now?

America elected a President that thinks it's okay to sexually assault women, to touch them and take their bodies as though they are possessions to be had. A man that hates anyone who isn't like him, who makes fun of anyone that dares to challenge him. A man that adamantly lies as it suits him. Is this really what we have come to?

I feel like voters have failed America, and I feel like I somehow have failed my son. I can only apologize to him now, for I fear what this means for his future.

Here is what I have to say to you, America:

Step away from Facebook and Twitter. Take a deep breath - or five.

I know you're scared, and so am I. We must come together and remember that we are on the same team.

Really.

Donald Trump is not who I picked to be my President, but I will respect the office and hope that he truly does have the best interests of our country in mind. If this election has taught us anything, it is that we really have a long way to go in healing the rift in our country, and more hatred or negativity is not going to help anything or anyone.

Forget Democrat or Republican or any party - we are Americans, and we are human beings. Let's build each other up, and stop tearing each other down. Let us come together as American citizens and truly be united, and prove that we are worthy of the great nation we live in. Let us never take for granted that great freedom.

Only love can heal us, and it is in love that we will find hope.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King