Isn't it ironic...dontcha think?
I hung out with my ex-boyfriend's wife this weekend (we'll call her L). We have hung out together before, both alone, with my ex, and in groups of friends, so this wasn't some bombshell moment, but it still does have little moments of irony (I'm pretty sure for the both of us).
We went to the same high school and graduated in the same class, but never became friends until the past few years. I'm not sure how she felt about me initially, but I slowly won her over :) Our kids have been in the same classes since kindergarten and we silently hope/joke that the crushes they have on each other will manifest into marriage in their adult lives. I have rushed into many an open house at my son's elementary school, sitting at his desk in his classroom only to glance over and find L and my ex waving hello at me. Last year, my son and her daughter shared a class of which was taught by another friend who graduated with us. We agreed that once the school year was over, a girls night was due; and so, we planned accordingly.
We chose an Italian BYOB within walking distance of where we live (yes, we live within 2 blocks of each other) and I rushed in, late as usual, to find them both waiting. The wine began to flow, as did the conversation, and our girls night got underway. About halfway through, as we were discussing plans with mutual friends, our other friend commented how much fun she was having, and how it's great how close the two of us have become. We smiled at each other, and L said to her, "You know she's my husband's ex-girlfriend, right?"
Our friend was visibly surprised, asking really? "Yep, for like 5 years," L replied. "No, 3 years," I corrected. "It was a long time ago. I was 19 when I started dating him. Don't tell him this, but I actually like her more." We smiled at each other, shrugged, and the conversation moved on. We spent the next few hours eating, talking, laughing, and enjoying a lot of wine.
After we left the restaurant, we made a quick pit stop at the store to grab a few things before heading back to L's house to chill and drink a bit more. Feeling like younger versions of ourselves (the wine was definitely responsible), we got into a conversation about our relationships and ourselves.
Feeling my liquid courage bubble up, I turned to L and asked the question that I've thought about before - I asked her if her husband hated me. I don't know if she was expecting that question, but she let me finish.
I explained how while obviously everything had turned out for the best, and he was happy (and I for him - and her), I sometimes considered apologizing for being an asshole like I was back in the day (it's not too late to say sorry?). Even though he was always friendly now, it had taken years to get to this point. It was still the principle of it all, and I had fucked up - I really hurt him back then. While I of course had thought about it before, I had never really thought about it like that until someone hurt me, and for that I felt selfish.
What goes around does come around.
The thought had popped in my head as I looked back on my relationships. I knew how much I hated (kind of, sort of, not really) the person that hurt me, and so, I still felt guilty for what I had done to my ex. Still selfish, I just wanted to know he didn't view me in that way. I knew if he did, I deserved it.
Gently, she said, "No, he doesn't hate you at all." Whew.
We then went to her house (other friend included) and my ex even hung out with us for a bit. We had a lot of fun.
The thing about all of this is it could probably make for a really awkward story or moment, but it wasn't that at all. I was asking my friend for advice, and she answered as my friend. More than that, it made me appreciate that much more how much life changes - for the better.
It also showed me it's time to forgive other people, because if my ex can do it, then I can, too.
L's husband was without a doubt one of my most important relationships, and I truly love her and think she is absolutely perfect for him. I'm so grateful that I can still have him as a friend, and that I've gained another really great friend in the process. It also goes to show that if people are meant to be in your life, in whatever capacity that might be - they will be.
We went to the same high school and graduated in the same class, but never became friends until the past few years. I'm not sure how she felt about me initially, but I slowly won her over :) Our kids have been in the same classes since kindergarten and we silently hope/joke that the crushes they have on each other will manifest into marriage in their adult lives. I have rushed into many an open house at my son's elementary school, sitting at his desk in his classroom only to glance over and find L and my ex waving hello at me. Last year, my son and her daughter shared a class of which was taught by another friend who graduated with us. We agreed that once the school year was over, a girls night was due; and so, we planned accordingly.
We chose an Italian BYOB within walking distance of where we live (yes, we live within 2 blocks of each other) and I rushed in, late as usual, to find them both waiting. The wine began to flow, as did the conversation, and our girls night got underway. About halfway through, as we were discussing plans with mutual friends, our other friend commented how much fun she was having, and how it's great how close the two of us have become. We smiled at each other, and L said to her, "You know she's my husband's ex-girlfriend, right?"
Our friend was visibly surprised, asking really? "Yep, for like 5 years," L replied. "No, 3 years," I corrected. "It was a long time ago. I was 19 when I started dating him. Don't tell him this, but I actually like her more." We smiled at each other, shrugged, and the conversation moved on. We spent the next few hours eating, talking, laughing, and enjoying a lot of wine.
After we left the restaurant, we made a quick pit stop at the store to grab a few things before heading back to L's house to chill and drink a bit more. Feeling like younger versions of ourselves (the wine was definitely responsible), we got into a conversation about our relationships and ourselves.
Feeling my liquid courage bubble up, I turned to L and asked the question that I've thought about before - I asked her if her husband hated me. I don't know if she was expecting that question, but she let me finish.
I explained how while obviously everything had turned out for the best, and he was happy (and I for him - and her), I sometimes considered apologizing for being an asshole like I was back in the day (it's not too late to say sorry?). Even though he was always friendly now, it had taken years to get to this point. It was still the principle of it all, and I had fucked up - I really hurt him back then. While I of course had thought about it before, I had never really thought about it like that until someone hurt me, and for that I felt selfish.
What goes around does come around.
The thought had popped in my head as I looked back on my relationships. I knew how much I hated (kind of, sort of, not really) the person that hurt me, and so, I still felt guilty for what I had done to my ex. Still selfish, I just wanted to know he didn't view me in that way. I knew if he did, I deserved it.
Gently, she said, "No, he doesn't hate you at all." Whew.
We then went to her house (other friend included) and my ex even hung out with us for a bit. We had a lot of fun.
The thing about all of this is it could probably make for a really awkward story or moment, but it wasn't that at all. I was asking my friend for advice, and she answered as my friend. More than that, it made me appreciate that much more how much life changes - for the better.
It also showed me it's time to forgive other people, because if my ex can do it, then I can, too.
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